Help with english tense needed?!?

by Mennonite Church USA Archives

Question by : Help with english tense needed?!?
I got a piece of english work back that I wrote, and my teacher said my tense in some parts is wrong:

I remember some of the wishes I used to make on my birthday while blowing out the candles on my cake. One year, on my seventh birthday I think, I wished for a pony. The next year I wished for a hot pink car for my Barbie dolls to go for a ride in. Other years I’d wish for things like new clothes, or new shoes, or make-up; all those girly things that you want to make you seem like a big girl.

Not anymore though. None of that stuff matters anymore. There’s only one thing I want and I wish for that same thing every year. I suppose deep down I know that it will never come true; not unless you’re able to go back in time and change the past, that is.

It was late summer – July 26th I think. My family had just arrived at Gatwick Airport and for once, we were running on time. Earlier than anticipated in fact. We always seem to get stressed every time we go on holiday. Everyone would be rushing around the house, bouncing off the walls like a firework, looking for the passports that Mum had ‘put in a safe place’. We’d all be feeling as tense as a coiled spring, worried that we wouldn’t make it to the airport on time. Not this time though. We were all surprisingly calm. We knew exactly where the passports were, what suitcase the swimming costumes were in, what time the taxi was arriving to take us to the airport. We were all set for a perfect, relaxing holiday with lots of sun, sea and sand. What could possibly go wrong?

Walking into the airport, we glance around the room looking for the right check-in point. I stand on my tiptoes trying to reach the height of the Eiffel Tower, attempting to look over the many heads in this overly crowded room. “Over there, Dad. I think I see it”.
We load our numerous suitcases onto a trolley and wheeled it across the room, dodging in and out of the crowd; like a rugby player racing to score the winning try.
After checking in and giving in our cases, we make our way up to security. The long grey machines lay across the floor, each accompanied by a guard wearing a flamboyant, florescent, orange vest. A black bowl waits at the end of the machine for me to put my valuables in. I rummage deep down into my pockets and present some loose change, my brick-like mobile phone and my I-pod and drop in it the bowl. The bowl glides up the conveyer belt, moving into the main part of the machine, like a frog bringing the fly on the tip of its tongue into its mouth. I walk through the barriers, trying not to look suspicious; I’ve always been told I have a constant suspicious looking face, which doesn’t help when being interrogated over something I haven’t done.
“BEEP BEEP BEEP”. Typical. Trust me to set the alarm off. The continuous beeping sound rushes through my head like an annoying bee on a summer’s day.
I stand to the side and a female guard comes over to search me. She pats my body, as if she’s giving me slight smacks for misbehaving. I stand to attention with my arms outstretched in a frozen star jump. The urge to not laugh due to the feeling of being tickled becomes too much and I erupt into a fit of giggles, causing much embarrassment to myself.

It’s the last paragraph that went a bit wrong.
Is ‘wait’ meant to be ‘waited’ and ‘rummage’ meant to be ‘rummaged’?


Best answer:

Answer by None of your beeswax
I think it’s fine.

You write really good, btw.

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