i need advice, please!?

Question by Lovley: i need advice, please!?
ok well ive been with my b/f for 3 years and throught these years we have had our ups and downs, and my parents especially my dad really do not like my b/f and i know they would come to my wedding but not be happy for me and they probibly wouldnt help pay and i doubt my dad will walk me down the isle. I’ve come to terms with this and decided to give up my dream since i was a little girl and elope or through a small wedding with just friends and his family since his family is 5 people. i dont want to have my dream weddding because i know my side of the family would just show up and not be happy for us, therfore it wont be my dream…so any advice on what i should do, or how i can still have a dream wedding just smaller then planned…anyone go through a sitiuation like this? i love him and we are going to be togther forever…but my heart hurts becuase my dream wedding wont be a reality…
to the two people who said i sound immature, im not…im old enoff and finacially stable to get married…
yes we are engaged, he just asked last week.

Best answer:

Answer by Asian Pride ^^
you should talk it ober with your family, then give this wedding some time. if you wait a while things might get better, ur parents might like him. and then u can throw your awesome wedding. you still have each other right now, so whats the harm in waiting a bit longer?

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13 thoughts on “i need advice, please!?”

  1. I am very sorry that you’re family doesn’t approve of your boyfriend. That can be really tough. My fiance’s family doesn’t really approve of me but we decided that we loved each other enough to get married anyway and his family did eventually come around. They still aren’t ‘happy’ but they’ve accepted that we make each other happy and that’s what really matters.

    Have you tried talking with your family and finding out why they don’t like him specifically? They could be laboring under some pre-conceptions of him or unable to let go of something he did in the past. Talk to them, they’re your family and they love you. They should support your decision even if it isn’t the one they would have made.

    Best of luck my dear!

  2. You sound young and quite immature. Has your boyfriend even proposed yet? Something tells me that if he hasn’t after 3 years, it’s because you’re not the one for him.

    Before sacrificing your dream wedding and a happy life with his and your families, take a moment to listen to your parents. Why don’t they like him? There must be a good reason.

  3. I think you should talk to your family instead of assuming. Maybe if you show them you are adult enough to express your feelings with them, they will comply to your wishes. Parents really want their children to be happy. Your parents have probably dreamed about your wedding day as well.

  4. Maybe see if there is someone else to walk you down the isle that you love. A brother uncle or someone like that. Then do as much as you can afford to have the dream wedding you want. DO as much as you can yourself with the help of loved ones. If you totally give up on your dream wedding it would be someone you will always wish you had done. Trust me watch lots of bridal shows on TV and look online to get ideas. You can make it the dream wedding you want. I think that just maybe your dad will come around in the end, if he thinks that you are not gonna give in to him. ALso in the long run he is loosing too. if he does not come around.

    Good luck

  5. My husband and I went to Las Vegas. Here’s the web site that talks about it … http://www.lasvegasweddingsource.com/valley.html
    We didn’t want a huge production when we got married. My husband and I took two friends (the couple that introduced us). It was a great place to get married. We didn’t have to worry about anything, they picked us up at the hotel to rent the guys tuxes and the next day to go to the place where we were married. It was a whole lot less stressfull than a ‘traditional’ wedding and a bunch cheaper too! Not all places to get married are cheesy deals. This one was nice.

  6. Never experienced this before but I am a newlywed so I will give you my 3 cents….Family comes first- period! I’m from the south and if I was to have a wedding without my parents I think they would be so dissappointed. Why, because weither you believe it or not your family will ALWAYS be there in good and bad times….I grew up with that instilled in me….

    My parents didn’t like my husband when we were dating because it was long distance and they didn’t really know what type of person he truely was…. Well, they meet numerous times… we sat and discussed the wedding, our marraige and just our future in general….They had a change of heart and they love him to death….

    Family will have a heard time letting you go… but it has to happen sooner or later… I think you should have your dream wedding and ask your parents to be a definete part of it…My dad and I had a bad, bad fallen out 2 weeks before my wedding and I said I didn’t want him to walk me down…When he heard me say that his eyes began to tear up…he said he had waited all his life to give his daughter away and a little petty argument wouldn’t stop him from doing just that….and he did…

    Like I said family will have there ups and downs….nobody’s family is the same I know that…but don’t keep that from them…At least make an effort to try and get them involved…And then if they don’t want to be apart and don’t understand that you love that man…then move on….

    We as young women wait all our lives for that day…..don’t miss it!

    Congrats and good luck!

  7. Have you talked to your parents about this yet? Have you told them you’re planning on marrying this boy? I agree with the person who says you sound QUITE young and immature. I can say, as a mother of a 17 year old daughter, that even if I’m not crazy about the man she chooses to marry, I will love him because she loves him, and I would never refuse to pay for her wedding and her father would never refuse to walk her down the aisle because we didn’t like her groom. That’s her decision, not ours.

    I would reccommend before jumping to conclusions about your family judging your boyfriend, you talk with them, explain how much you love this man, and you guys are ready to spend the rest of your lives together. MOST parents will be happy and excited, because all they want is for their children to be happy. Also, if you’re not mature enough to talk this over with your parents, I would question if you’re mature enough for marriage.

  8. The first thing you need to do is actually sit down and talk to your family. Unless I misunderstand, you’re assuming they would react this way. However, they may be more okay with it than you are anticipating, and they may be more hurt that they weren’t included, even if they don’t think this guy is the A+-Number-One guy for you.

    If you don’t want to talk to them about it, or you just want to go ahead and do the friends and his family thing, first decide what aspects of your childhood dream wedding you most want. Is it to have a beautiful formal gown? Is it to have dancing and dinner, or beautiful flowers, or a great location?

    Most of those things can be accomplished just as well with 30 guests as they could with 300. Regardless of where you marry, and how many guests you have, you can wear the fancy gown and veil if you want. I’ve seen girls, unwilling to give up that part of their dream, wearing a formal bridal gown at a JP’s office.

    With location, look for something relatively small and intimate. Perhaps a small country club, a garden, a park, a quaint chapel, a field, or the beach or lake?

    Decorate using white twinkle lights, candles, ivy, flowers, and other fairly inexpensive, but impressive, items. If you and your wedding party (or anyone who wants to help) decorate on your own, it will keep costs down.

    With a cake, if you have very few guests, you probably will not want that three-tiered cake you see in the magazines. One of the most interesting “fixes” for this – CUPCAKES! They’re fun, they’re cute, and they can be arranged to make “tiers” using the traditional plates and pillars, or the pretty wire cupcake displays, available at hobby stores and Walmarts everywhere. Plus, white cupcakes, with white frosting, and fresh flowers for decoration will be SO much less expensive than an elaborate multi-tiered cake.

    With almost all aspects, you can have what you dreamed of (or altered versions of it), you just will need to adjust your way of thinking a little, and be creative (since your family definately wouldn’t pay for it, you’ll need to cut costs where possible).

    Seriously, though, talk to your family. They may not like the guy, but my hunch is that they care very much for you, and want you to be happy. They may be seriously hurt if you decide for them that they don’t want to show up.

  9. You know some people say, “I married him/her, not their family”. Well, that’s wrong. How can you marry someone when they can’t even get along with your family. It doesn’t sound like too much fun. What are you going to do during the holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving? The thing I enjoy most about those times is spending time with my family. You won’t be able to enjoy yourself. There will be no peace. Talk to your family and see exactly what the problem is. If you marry a person, YOU DO marry their family too.

  10. First of all, I had the “dream wedding” and believe me it was not as dreamy as I thought it should be! I am divorced after 16 years from that dream wedding and the man that was in it!

    Now I am 36 years and going to Las Vegas to get married, now could there really be anything dreamier than ELVIS walking you down the aisle? I mean really, they have numerous themes, places to party and have to help with having a fantastic time.

    You shouldn’t need to have to worry about your parents liking your boyfriend so much, especially after 3 years!!!! You should be more worried about your boyfriend, and how you feel about him, how your parents treat him and your future with him!

    I say go to vegas, get married, have a wonderful & very memorable time, come home, tell your parents and friends and be done with it. The parents can only LEARN to love and appreciate their new son in law, especially when they see that you really do love him enough to marry him!

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